True Meaning Of Popularity

Popularity is potent,
but commonly identifies 
itself as a form of poison.
Angel with wings on the surface,
but deep within, the angel transforms
to a demon.
Popularity gives off a vibe
like its Christmas morning,
but stay long enough 
and you see pitch forks 
like its a Halloween evening.
Good looks are deceiving 
and fade away 
like the sun in the evening.
Even though popularity 
feels like a nice warm welcome
like birthday hugs,
As it’s time ages, 
you realize the moments were wasted,
trying to fit in
like an over weight grown women
squeezing into her prom dress
to look exquisite for her high school reunion.
Problem we can’t seem to solve
is that inner beauty is within 
the soul of a human.
Lucifer was beautiful
like a wedding dress 
but the person in it was Dennis Rodman.
Popularity is pleasing from a distance
but up close and person,
hideous like restroom toilets
without flushing.
When perfection is the goal,
when you kick, you will miss
every time.
Picture it like this;
popularity is a huge  bicep.
The main attraction, the main focus,
but your true character is your legs,
which gets neglected, since women
only focus on the top half of your body.
We will do anything for compliments and attention honestly
to the point we lose our integrity,
taking credit for accomplishments
that we didn’t accomplish.
We love others reactions more than our own decisions.
No gun pointed to our heads to make a forced decision, we just addicted to somebody’s reaction.
So basically, we have bear arms and chicken legs.
This means we search for power in the wrong place
because power really comes from your legs.
We realize this too late and now we can’t bare to stare at our arms.
The right to bear arms, work against us and do self harm
with our own arms.
Lethal affliction is hidden within, but eventually comes out when the lungs fail to bring oxygen.

Death Tried To Follow But Couldn’t Keep Up

My mind is desolate
my world is dark as its ever been.
It feels like death follows me.
I tried to remain nowhere to be seen,
but I’m being stalked to death
by death.
He knows the size and shape of shadow
and he didn’t use a measuring tape.
Should I dig my own grave and drift to other side?
Is it time to end my life, should I commit suicide?
Jump off NYC buildings, shoot full metal jackets, drinking bleach, or starve myself to death
before I become next.
I don’t run away, I refuse to get chased
but I’m too arrogant to get slayed
by deaths name
so should I put myself in harms way
by my own hands, I think this too myself
while drinking straight liquor without a chase.
Forget the precious creation of my face, I’m running out of time and death
just jumped ahead to second place from eight place.
Death shall not win my race, I will always be first place.
This is my race, I created the track, death just runs on it.

I Found An Escape

Nowhere to go
moving all over the place.
Suddenly feel alone
I have lost the sweet taste.
Fear I will grow  old
when tears fall from my face.
Body  is the temperature of snow
Face is red,heart filled with hate.
Like an inmate avoiding the CO(Correction officer)
looking for an escape.
Running towards my goals
but I am out of shape.
Bewildered for being  exposed
for being a nice guy in last place.
Pigs are filthy like my clothes
blame the concrete that’s  where I lay.
Let the truth be told
When u stand above my grave

How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie(Part 2)

Before you read this, I highly recommend you ready How I Really Feel And I Won’t Lie first. I share my very personal thoughts in poetry format cut and dry and I don’t give a fuck. Through out this poem, I will have some sentences in bold in this poem because those are the quotes that are most powerful lessons that I learned

I can write for days

while you observe

the pain on my face.

Plus I’m poor

like a report card

with bad grades.

“Myself, I choose to isolate

and use to do it

to keep my heart safe

but it just increased the rage

and I write poetry to release frustration.

to keep my head straight.”

I can snap at any given time

and space

and I’m sure some of you can relate.

I mean how much can a muthfucka take?

It’s sad when you ain’t

comfortable at your home base.

I zone out and stare off into space

wishing somebody else can take my place.

I use to wonder why I never had so many dates?

As I got older, I was like fuck a date,

paying for sex was the way.

For those of you that follow me,

I mentioned this in so many ways.

So many ways I can express my hate.

I hate a person that always thinks he/she right.

Thinking their opinion only matters in life.

I hate a person that’s tight

with money in their hand.

“I know people that will help a stranger

before a family member

or friend.

Loyal to the wrong person

until they are betrayed

and now back to family

they complaining expressing their hurt

and this is how life works,

the ones that don’t have it like that

will give you their last

and the ones that got it like that

are tight with it.”

It hurts because money rules the world.

I said over and over

“Loyalty push to the side when the price is right

and it been like this

way before Bob Barker’s time.”

Judas betrayed Jesus

for 30 silver pieces

way way before social media existed.

“Performing miracles isn’t impressive

because money is the real magic.”

Mind is playing tricks

falling victim to the devil’s wish

selling him your body and soul

and you just became his trick

and he pimps

you out to be worldly.

“Is worshiping God boring?

If the answer is yes

is this the reason

why more people go to hell then heaven?

How can we make worshiping God more exciting?”

Excitement comes three times,

when the dick is hard,

when the pussy is wet,

and when money involved.

Its an addiction we can’t stop.

If money was promised

to every person

that go to church on Sunday,

more people would be worshiping God.

Wouldn’t you agree?

See how this is fake pretending?

People only around to seek cheese

until you speak up and say no.

Behind your back

they make fun of the way you speak

after they take your money.

A few post back I said

“Same niggas they say

“Money over pussy”

put

“Pussy over family””.

Mothers out there fucking their son’s

right hand man to receive money in their hand.

Some mothers fuck for free.

If one of my friends

fucked my mother he dying for free.

“But I don’t have friends,

I have family.

So another words,

never trust a friend

because they can never be family.”

Friends are temporary like the temp agency.

We chase the wrong ones,

chasing the popularity.

“As a kid in high school,

was told talking to bitches

was what make you popular

because niggas want bitches

and bitches want niggas

that are popular

and being around fine bitches

is what make niggas popular.”

“High school is popularity chasing and chasing

something is a full time job

which is time consuming

and chasing too hard for something

will get you nothing”.

“Chasing too hard for something

will have trying

to pretend to be someone you not”.

It will make you look eve more corny.

Like a comedian trying to hard to be funny?

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

I will reiterate that

“Sometimes good things will come naturally

but we hate patience with a passion

and this destroys us spiritually

and we disconnect with God

and feel empty

like being in a relationship with somebody

w/o the chemistry.

But we get comfortable in solitary

so avoiding communicating

leads to cheating

and looking over your shoulder

to make sure you don’t get caught.

But we just students and bad experience

is the teacher but some students

don’t listen

so we try avoiding

getting caught

but being lucky isn’t guaranteed”

What is guaranteed?

Taxes, death

but what else is left?

Never guaranteed life

but we guaranteed

we will die the moment

you planted inside a woman.

Not guarantee to see life

some cells never make out the vagina

Some lives die inside but did God do those lives a favor?

Life is not sweet like candy

you’ll either will learn this now or later.

Either way it don’t matter

because I’m still bitter.

This is more than a long poem

I’m expressing true life emotions

and I’m doing ya a favor. I

tell the cold hard truth

and the amount of people that lie

you’ll see that the crowd is wide

like an angle that’s obtuse.

Lies we get so use to

we don’t believe it

when we actually meet a person

that tells the truth.

My poetry might not be great

but it speaks the truth

even if it embarrasses my personality.

So much to say

I have alot to say

I can write for days

while you observe the pain on my face.

My hidden emotions is my excuse

to how I became a talent poet

and I can tell a life story better than fresh prince

But what happens after I finish telling my life experiences?

So my question is, will I have another poem left in me

after this get uploaded?

I will upload a part 3 and maybe a part 4 .

Whats Unforgivable In A Relationship

My plan

is to kill a man

that fucked my spouse

in my house.

It hurts my stomach

as I picture him

taking off her blouse.

Quiet as a mouse

as watched

from the windows

from outside

covering her mouth.

Giving it to her good

I can tell by the looks

on her face.

I felt ashamed.

I felt the pain

and I’m crying

by the window frame.

 I pull out the pistol.

Revenge need to get out

of my system.

I try to subdue

my resistance

as I converse with

my bullets.

They thought I was foolish.

The dragon was whispering

and provided me

with  hollow tips.

I aim at the window

Pow Pow

I shoot two bullets

to stop the movement

of them having sex.

The feeling felt like the best

I ever had.

I went in the house

but become more sad.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

I looked down at the dead

bodies and what I thought

was my wife

was actually  my daughter.

Holy Shit

I killed my own daughter.

This was really bad

I thought to myself.

I made a mistake

and it’s too late

to take back

Death makes no mistake

Or does it?

 

1 Peter 3:9 –  Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pleasure In My Dark Soul

Pay attention
From the heart and soul
I wrote this,
and this poem
by far is the deepest.
Relationship is a test.
A heartbreak is the lesson.
Body needs rest.
Mind has questions.
Heart split into pieces
and each piece
scattered like roaches
in the kitchen
when the lights come one.
Was you prepared for
this lesson on the day
you was born?
I say about 40% of you
reading this are probably
still heartbroken.
Pain we don’t choose
but yet how the fuck
do we accept it?
Ever wonder what was
go through Toni Braxton’s
mind when she wrote
“Breath Again” or
“Another Sad Song”
or Marry J Blige
when she wrote
“I’m going down”.
It’s all a trend.
When you get a chance
give these songs a listen.
What it feels like
to be heartbroken? Broken like egg shells
and going through withdrawals.
Trapped underwater
and it felt like forever.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.
Still drowning but occasionally resurface
to be pushed further
into heartache.
A responsibility evaded
will make a dream faded
like a college kid being
told “You ain’t Michael Jordan
so become a janitor”.
It’s like telling your great-grandmother
your too old for romance.
Criticism is constant
and people blame and say
you were being stupid
and get over it.
Those same people are
the biggest hypocrites
when they suffering life problems
because they will call you and
expect you to listen.
It’s a division
between your
mind and heart,
making you bewildered
like figuring out where to
start
when cleaning a messy room.
Pain is intense
like a woman wearing
too much perfume.
Bride and groom
is part of God’s Plan
am I right?
Why is something that is very precious
such a tough fight
like a baby is teething and you trying
to put the baby to sleep at night.
How much is a diamond worth?
What’s more precious,
jewelry or a child’s birth?
Cash corrupts loyalty
and expose greed and jealously.
Misery makes me overwhelmed.
All the shit I been through.
Stress sticking to my mind like glue.
I need relaxation
like a couple on a cruise.
Like soup,
I need something that heals
since stress is like a toxic person
right behind me on my heels.
Life is real and it kills
like cancer.
Stress moves around
like a dancer?
Am I in danger?
I feel like Simba
during the stampede.
My heart breaks
and for years it bleeds
like a girl on her period.
Stress rushes me like
adrenaline.
Ain’t nothing different.
Every day same shit
until death takes me home.
To me pain is historic
like a Maya Angelou poem.
In a world full of thieves
and loyalty made me naive
and oblivious to disloyalty.
Loyalty pushed to the side
like a chick
that’s only purpose to
satisfy’s a niggas dick.
Money and pussy
bullies loyalty
until it no longer has meaning.
An abuse kid with scar and bruises
from beatings
is a mental feeling
when your a slave to loyalty.
So broken
need more flowers
than fried chicken
and place them in the kitchen.
I’m my own hero to the rescue
and I need rest too.
Like A McDonald’s public restroom,
the heart is vacant
and I plan find a way
to keep it occupied.
Reminding myself that my heart scraed
and I should no longer be terrified.
But all I do is tell myself lies.
A heavy load like a man without
ejaculation.
For four weeks,
carrying boulders on my shoulders
for weeks.
Was told complaining was for the weak.
I believe I won’t last long like a man
not having sex in weeks.
Face is wet like pussy
and body is sick and infected
from eating raw meat.
Sleepy,but still writing
because this poem
was calling me.
Words and sentences blending
with a unique style of rhyming.
Lightbulb over my head.
A good feeling like getting some head,
Sparking a light,
so my poem can shine
which excites like a family
welcoming a new-born baby.
But yet, I am here
fighting off habits that are shady.
Gossip and laziness, I’m trying to
detach from my vocabulary.
This poem has mixed feelings
and restore like dental fillings.
Being broken will turn me loose
like a screw or a baby tooth.
“They say heartbreak is short distance
but it feels like long distance
Around the corner
but a week we converse
only a few minutes.
Decrease in the amount of time we spend.
I pretend that I have strength
until the length of me without you extends.
I can’t no longer be more than a friend.”
This is what I think to myself
wishing I was the one that broke your heart
instead of you breaking mine.
Sometimes the thing we humans
hate most is time.
It’s short and never stop
and we struggle to keep up.
So now reaction to my depression
lead me on the roof of a building
Is suicide the objective?
Good question
On a mission like America soldiers
seeking weapons of mass destruction.
I am insatiable for declining
to treasure the rainbow.
Life hard like erections
sometimes I wonder If
Death > > depression?
Phone becomes dry like a desert
and it get worst since you thirst.
Only hear notifications when an email arises,
just waiting for a call or text message
and yet receive nothing.
Do I feel abandoned?
I began to question
Lack of attention is the center
of my attention.
Heartbreak will make you different.
Instead of committing suicide,
I pretend I’m immortal.
I can be untouchable.
Every girl I talk to,
I smile in her face
but my mind says fuck you.
Turn into a player
and break hearts and crumble
them like potato chips.
I don’t give a shit.
Fuck human nature
because it’s too much pressure
wanting to be accepted and liked.
Be making you confused about your identity
like a transvestite.
Fuck a wife and worry about my life
is my motto.
Self-confidence will shoot through the roof
faster than I ever imagined.
I play my strengths to their weakness
like Eve in the Garden
manipulated by the serpent.
A serpent or demon
whatever you wanna call it,
I’m still a savage.
Poison disguised as medicine.
Prince charming
with a soul of a demon.
Fuck forgiveness,
revenge is the mission
through divine intoxication.
Logic or emotion.
Thinking of drinking love potion
while trying to stay focus.
Different choices
determines the outcome of a situation.
An immediate reaction
lead to decisions or using mindful
techniques to determine my destiny.
But still Feeling blue like the child
of Beyoncé.
I’m going “Halfway crazy”
Like Musiq.
Practicing baptism by affusion
Is similar feeling after I got my heartbroken.
I am now born again.

Please read Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised as well and that is another very deep poem that I may plan to read at an open mic.

1) How relatable is this poem to you?

2) What was your favorite line in this poem?

3) What was the darkest line in this poem?

4) By reading this poem, what was going through your mind?

5) One question that has nothing to do with this poem but summarize in a sentence on how are you different from other bloggers!

Also please listen to “Another Sad Song”, “Breathe Again” by Toni Braxton

Listen to “I’m going down” by Mary J blige

Listen to “Halfway Crazy” by Musiq.

A One On One Deep Conversation About Death

This was a heart to heart conversation about life and death. Two people are going back and fourth, expressing their deepest thoughts

Michael:

We don’t know what it feels like to die.

Never been in it’s presence or time.

We know it exist and it’s something we don’t wish.

Until you experience the true meaning of life.

Life is about smile and cries but let’s talk about cries

Why do we cry?

Tears falling from the face comes from a broken heart.

Feels like your life fell apart.

Life itself isn’t hard but the people in it make it

unbearable.

A broken heart makes pain unbeatable.

Pain hurts most when it’s unexpected

like an STD for having sex unprotected.

School teaches you education but what about real life lessons?

Feeling like bubble boy trapped in a bubble.

Trying to remain humble but people mock and laugh at you

So bad that you either become suicidal or homicidal.

Suicide will break your mother’s heart on the inside.

Or you can conserve your life by committing homicide.

Turn to a serial killer.

A broken heart turns a person so apathetic

Secrets of deep thoughts exposed

like diaries in dusty attics.

Joyce:

Or matter of fact feeling low like a crack addict or even standing on a bridge thinking of doing something drastic

In your mind you’re thinking to yourself wouldn’t this be fantastic, I gotta have this
The pain released from my soul which would give me happiness

It’s all madness

We all have problems in different shapes and sizes but, most of us take a passive approach and try to hide or disguise it

Like a sad clown behind his mask or forgotten child in need of assistance you didn’t ask
They all say the hurt and pain you had is in the past but, what about that new job that didn’t last or more recently when one of my loved ones just passed

It’s real and part of life. Yes there’s positivity but, there’s also strife. With one there always come the other and nine times out of ten the obvious one outweighs the other.
But I choose life over death.

The best to do list item I keep close to my chest. It’s been weeks tossing over this idea, in which I hadn’t slept.

But what do you expect?

Every day I pick up the pieces of what life couldn’t been and work on ways for how it should be.
One of the keys to success and to see and believe.

Now I know there’s nonbelievers and can’t fathom seeing the other side but, although I see it from their view, I’ve decided to put my pride aside.

Let’s face it, we don’t really decide if we live or die.

Michael:

Because death is promised to us all.
It’s never a goal

but rather we stand still like a pole

or move around like electrons
death come to us all.

Ever since the devil broke his bond
with God

Life is the real death

and death is the freedom

Demons and angels maybe imaginary
and humans are the real demons.

Think about Cain and Abel

It’s all hereditary.

Thou shall not kill

Thou shall not steal

we disobey by our own free will.

Every step u take, we could be stepping in a trap

and be a victim in a person’s attack.

Life is overrated

like sex to a person with a low sex drive.

Babies are forever precious

but even Tupac new parents are devious

just ask Brenda.

Unlike the tribe in black panther,

black people don’t stick together.

We receive hate like the Jews did from Hitler.

A devil in disguise,

poisoning minds

by disguising poisoned mushrooms

into red apples.

What seems healthy

can put you in the grave early.

But maybe an early grave

is the best day

since we escaping dooms day,

you know the place we call life.
Shit I don’t fear death

 

I fear life and I’m tired of the fight

Joyce:

It’s interesting that we think the fear of difference is fear of life itself.

Worrying about other people’s opinions to the point it affects our health.

However, remaining hidden in plain sight like a cheetah that’s stealth.

Or masking our fear with creating problems that haven’t been dealt.

I believe there are demons that walk amongst us on this earth, the same people that need to look in the mirror and go to church.

They need to worry about getting themselves right and avoid at all costs for them not to get hurt.

Betraying their spouse, mother, or brother or throwing a friend’s name in the dirt.
It’s not that death is the better choice for us all but, for some it’s the easier option to befall.
Drugs, sex, money, they’re all a different kind a poison. Leading to our so called miserable lives and causing mass destruction.
The root of all evil is sometimes staring us in the face, evil has no color no matter the race.
Divide and conquer is what has been the trend. The endless violence on each other seems to never want to end.
It’s takes only one voice to be heard, hand to be raised, two feet to be stood on to choose peace. Reminding us all that we all need to love one another as Martin Luther king Jr essentially quoted in his I Have a Dream Speech.
Life is tough and life can seem like a personal hell. But, only God can judge the living based on how we followed his rules well.
So turn the other cheek and love hard towards one another because when that judgement comes God surely won’t stutter.

Questions to think about

1) If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

2) The bible says more people will go to hell then heaven, what’s your opinion about that?

3) If misery didn’t exist and everybody was happy, would this affect music and poetry?

On Tuesday May 1st, I will post my next blog

Suicidal Thoughts/In Case Tomorrow Not Promised

Some questions to think about and also these could be future blogs to talk about. In fact take a look at these questions, pick one question to blog about it 

1. If you had the chance to find out where your final destination would be after you die right  now  at this moment would you wanna know?

2. For those of you that are not married, do you wish you was still a virgin if you are not a virgin?

3. If fornication was not a sin, for those of you waiting until marrige to have sex or have waited until marrige, would you still have waited until marrige have sex to have sex if you knew fornication was not a sin?

4. If you had the chance to win 5 million dollars, you would steal one of my poems and submit it  to publishing agency pretending you wrote the poem for 5 million dollars?

5. This question for the women, If you had the chance to pick, you rather be a house wife while you husband works or would you rather work and your husband will be a house husband?

6. For the men same question, if you had to pick, would you rather be a house husband while your wife works or you work and your wife stay at home?

7. If you was able to choose your family at birth, would you pick the family your living with now or would you pick a different family?

8. For those you that answered “No” to number 4, do you think I beleive you lol?

9. If you had to pick an age, how old would you want to be when you die?

10. If you had to pick an age to be forever, what age would that be?

11. Let’s say you was getting married next week and tonight was your bachelor/bachelorette party and you had sex with a stripper at your party, would you tell your fiance or would you keep it yourself and never do it again?

12. If you cheated in the past and your current signficant other asked you if you ever cheated on your previous lovers would you lie to him/her?

13. For the women, if a guy you date says to you he doesn’t kiss until the 5th Date, how would you respond?

14. For the men, if a woman you date says she doesn’t give oral sex and never will,  how would you respond?

15. If you could pick one of your followers to meet in real life, who would you pick?

16. Would you send a nudes to your spouse if you are married?

17. If you slept with your spouse’s best friend and your spouse’s friend promised you to not nothing to your spouse, would you accept the promise?

18 Now same question as number 17 but the next day what if your spouse died, then 2 weeks later you got pregnant/or got your spouse friend pregnant, would you want an abortion, hope for a miscarrige, or be proud to have a baby and here’s the kicker, the doctor said you couldn’t have kids so this is a miracle baby so what would you do?

19. You notice that Janurary is New Years, Feburary is Presidents day, March is St.Patricks day, April is Easter, May is Memorial day, June is when summer begins, July is when Indedpenden Day, September is Labor Day, October is Halloween, November is Thanksgiving Day, December is Christmas Day, what about August?

20. What would you rather do, try to force yourself asleep when your wide awake or your try to stay awake when your sleepy?

21. For the women that are single, what if you actually found the guy of your dreams that have plans of marrying you but don’t want kids, would you leave him?

22. For the men, if you was the only guy in this world and everybody else were women, how would you feel?

23. Let’s say you had a one night stan and nine months you had a child, 18 years later that child  asked you  “dad how did you meet mom/vice versa?” how would you respond?

24. If today was your last day of living, did you feel like you accomplished alot, would you die proud or miserable?

25. For the men, what is the worst and best thing about being a man?

26. For the women, what is the worst and best thing about being a woman?

27. Imagine a world without police officers, without jails or prisons, would you be scared to exist with the rest of the human population?

28. Think of the meanest  thing someone had said to you, was it by a stranger or a loved one?

29. What would life be like if music was banned  for a year?

30. What would life be like if social media was banned for a year?

31. What if you was married and your spouse still wanted to use condoms, how would you feel?

32. Would you ever marry a pornstar?

33. If you had to pick an animal what would you pick?

34. If you had a choice, would you rather be an adopted child or adopt a child?

35. If I was your college professor and I asked you to pick one of the previous 34 questions and write an essay, do you think you would get an A on your essay?
I’m uploading my most powerful blog all through out this month. Take a look for the schedule of my blogs posting

On Monday December 11, I will upload a poem “The Unsolved Mystery”.

On Tuesday December 12, I will upload two  interesting  questions that will have you thinking .

On Wednesday December 13,  I will upload, “Get Lost in my Poems part 2” please read part 1 Get Lost In My Poems     . Just a brief summary part 1 was about me inviting my followers to a time travel machine and your going back in time switching in and out of my previous poems. It’s hard to explain you would have to read and it’s clever.

On December 15, I will upload,  “Poetry is the Power of Life”.

  On December 16th, I will upload another interesting question about life for you  to think about.

On December 17th, I will write a poem about the number ‘7’.

On December 18th, I will upload a blog explaining what is silent unity.

On December 19th, I will upload a poem in on a topic in which you will pick a topic for me and all you have to do is comment below in this blog on which topic you would like me to talk about and this is first come first serves. 

On December 20th, I will write a blog on how to build your traffic on word press/blogging and share some tips that helped me. 

On December 21st, I upload  an erotic poem.

On December 23, I will upload another deep personal question. 

On December 24, I will upload a poem “Chase the money not the p*ussy”.

On December 27, I will a personal  embarrassing experience of mines.

On December 29th,  I will upload  a poem “Don’t believe when she says I’m done with him”.

On December 30th, I will upload a poem with a multiple choice question at the end

On December 31st, well this will be a special blog that’s all I will say. 

Suicidal thoughts 

 

I feel extremely hopeless.

I am behaving more reckless.

My behavior is changing.

The pain I feel is way beyond unbarring.

I am preoccupied with death.

I feel like there’s nothing else left,

to do.

I’m tired and I have no one to go to.

All I feel like doing all day is sleeping,

Right now I am online searching,

For a gun,

 

Right now that’s the only thing I really want to put me out of misery.

Pointed at my chest, shoot myself with a hallow tip and go straight through my kidneys.

Or kill myself while driving,

I want lose control of the wheel as I’m steering,

Lose control of the car and run into a truck driver,

and become a non-survivor.

I wish my mom suffered a miscarriage or got an abortion.

I am in severe depression.

I smile on the outside, but burning and torturing on the inside.

I have thoughts that life is not worth living.

I have no tears left, I’m done crying.

I believe in God, but I’m tired of being patient and waiting,

Tired of praying and praying.

My prayers never get answered.

I’m a good warm hearted person, but why do the good suffer?

I’m born in June, I am a cancer,

But I wish I suffered with lung or brain cancer.

I am tired physically ,

I lack the energy,

To live my life.

No energy left to fight.

I ask myself , why did humans have to be created?

Humans on earth have demonstrated,

That life is hard and unfair.

People don’t care.

I honesty believe

its easier to understand animals than a human being.

I rather my brain function as a automatic machine.

 In Case Tomorrow Not Promised

Lord please forgive me for my sins
for not praying when
I didn’t talk to my friends.
Lying and pretending
I was stronger
for not praying
but I became weaker.
Always wanted to
make it
without a hand out.
I never shout
when I needed help.
I didn’t want to express love
Always felt like
I had to remain tough.
Never wanted to cry
in front of any woman
but I felt like crying  every night
so am I really a man?
My family don’t know
my plans
So whoever read this
accidentally after I pass away 
don’t throw this
in this trash
but
to my nephew,
I love you
and stay out of trouble
and pray to the Lord
above you.
Sometimes I wish I was man enough
to protect you.
Listen to your father
he loves you
He twice the man
I ever was.
Be confident
and optimistic.
Don’t be pessimistic
like me
because negativity
don’t capture
dreams.
When u get older
Watch
“The Bronx Tale”
So you understand
what wasted talent
is?
Learn how to fish
Learn how to shoot a gun
Learn about Jesus
Learn how to save you funds
It’s okay to cry in front of others
when your heart is broken
Learn that the words that are spoken
are for to listen you
I refuse to cry in front of you
you know who saw me cried the most,
my reflection
Only in private I showed affection
My life always been in question
for so long for comparing
others to myself.
I felt like I never grew a pair
below the belt.
I’m an ice block
and I’m about to melt.
I’m the water
dripping from the ice block
on a sunny day
and life is going down
the drain.
Never forget to pray
When you eat your food
always say grace
When your grandmother
use to tell me say Grace
I always made an annoyed face
She would tell me fix your face
and say Grace
I was getting tired of trying
not to sin,
so hardcore rap I
began to listen.
Sometimes I wanted
be just like them
I was addicted to
their money, fame, and Popularity
Thought it would help me
overcome my adversities.
I wanted power like Thanos
with six infinity stones.
I wanted money like Bill Gates
living in his 8 million dollar home.
I wanted popularity like LeBron James
with headphones on
as he enters the locker room
putting on his uniform.
My brain so deformed.
I feel like Qtip in prison song.
I wasted my talent.
I’m so poetic.
I could been famous
My poetry is dangerous.
Maybe if my parents
weren’t divorced
then maybe of course
no wait
Maybe if I was an A student
then maybe of course
no wait
Maybe if I was honest
then maybe of course
no wait
You see what I did?
I made 3 excuses
I’m addicted to being pessimistic
Never wanted marriage,kids,
not even a date
but I would adopt you in a heartbeat
but you are my brothers seed
and I have watched you grow.
The previous line I wrote
almost had me in tears.
The post that I wrote yesterday
I want you to read that
because it was sad
I swear if that ever happens to you
you I will kill a bitch for you.
I use the word the word bitch
don’t get in the habit having of
thinking every woman is a bitch
because every woman is not a bitch

I hate science
but music and poetry
and including me,
what we have in common is chemistry.
I picture myself as Tupac
when writing poetry.
Do you know how many favors
people owe me
if I didn’t do favors from the heart?
So don’t give and expect to receive
the pain is sharp
when they eat off your plate
and they already have a full plate
plus they have half on what’s on your plate
and it was only half to begin with
So now left with a fourth of a plate 
Never jealous but I be lying if
I say I wanted to seek forgiveness when hurt
I pretend I do
but revenge is what I plan to do
Would I rather commit suicide
then forgive my enemy?
I’m a christian but I
hate my enemies
and this is the real enemy
Sometimes I think
I should slay  my enemy.
I wanted that type of power
that Suge Knight had
in 95.
The other day I took a HIV
test and it was negative
but if it was positive
I don’t think I would of
cried
but I would of kept it to myself
because what makes me cry
is when my family cry.
I always been shy
but I’m louder then anybody else
when talking to myself about
how will I obtain wealth
Have me worrying so hard  it’s
stressing my health
and yet I’m still paying
for expensive dates
with a smile on my face
as I look in the pretty ladies
in the face to keep her safe
and she thinks I’m strong
and deep when I take off
her Thong off
and work my tongue
and it’s fun
but look at everything
I done
What did I accomplish?
They say the truth
shall come to light
But the truth doesn’t always
come to light
because this secret will
be kept with me in the grave
because your only eight
and you can’t comprehend
and relate to this poem.
But don’t get me wrong
your very smart
much smarter than I was
at eight.
I purposely am writing this
on this date.
If you was 16
I wouldn’t of wrote this for you
because you be able to relate
and this will break your heart.
In fact people that don’t know me
a select few  reading this would feel it in their hearts
I’m 6ft but feel like a midget
I smell like dead fish in a bucket.
but not physically but mentally
physically I am here
but mentally well that’s a whole
different story
You are my little guy, my little buddy.
I never been able to fit in anywhere since elementary
and maybe WordPress while blogging
but around you I feel like a king
You make me feel popular.
Even though I’m broke it don’t matter
because you make me feel rich
For a while I hated my ex but you helped me forgive.
I know your only a kid
but sometimes the best advice is from a kid.
I honestly wish I can do your homework everyday.
I remember that one day I did it for you
so you can play at a earlier time
but I can’t do that all the time
and I feel like a bad uncle for admitting that line
I have a better relationship with you
then with my own uncle.
When your father yells at you sometimes
I do want to give him a taste of his own medicine
but he only doing what a parent is suppose to.
I will should send you this when your 18 and I will be 36.
I can’t send this to you now but because this is over your head right now.
I make a promise to you 10 years from if God willing I’m still living
I will give you this for your 18th birthday
that’ s why I’m going to upload this today
to have this saved.
but just in case if I don’t make it tomorrow
and I become hollow
I want you to take my place and carry on my legacy
and I want you to have this poetry.
I posted 96 blogs and it’s all yours
and always thank the Lord
and I will do the same
so when your 18 I can live to see your face.
Damn I almost shed a tear out my face.
Writing a poem gets tiring trying to put words together to make the rhymes sound better
but I could write about you all day
So when I eat dinner tomorrow
I will say Grace.
In you face I never told you I love you
but I swear to God I do love you
but understand I can’t remember the last time
I said “I love you” to my own mother
In fact I don’t think I ever
expressed to her in person.
I can’t express to anybody in person
but on paper, nobody can never express
the way I can
and I don’t mean that to sound arrogant
it just to show you that I am human
and I do have emotions.
If you really knew the thoughts on my head,

it’s scary even for me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a nightmare
but you make me feel like I can accomplish my dreams
I can motivate myself but I you give me extra the push.
When I read the good book, I wish there was a miracle where I can go back and be in
Adams place
or I can be Eve’s conscious and look her in the face and
say “Don’t eat it please don’t eat it”
I think I would of been strong enough to resist the serpent
or at least I would of question him like why should I eat of this tree
because I know the Earth is full of greed and misery
and I know first hand the pain in the present day 
So lord, take me to the past at 4000 B.C.
and let me help Adam and Eve
and the present and future seeds
In fact I would let the serpent
take my life so everybody else can dwell in heaven
and they all would be naked
because your beauty is exposed the most
when your naked
Wearing your clothes will make you hate the color of your skin
The Earth to me is really hell
So I can imagine what it is really like in hell.
I won’t lie if I had to
to commit suicide
and scarfice my life
for you to be heaven,
I wouldn’t even hesitate
In fact, if everybody was promise
a place in heaven,
If all I had to do was scarfice my
life,I wouldn’t even hesitate
To tell you the truth that wasn’t
even a hard question
until I think about all the rapists
that exist from the past
and exist in the present
I hate a rapist with a passion
and I never been raped
If  a man rape someone
in my family
forget an ass whooping,
he dead.
Kill first and forgive later
because yes I’m a hater 
to a rapist.
I really shouldn’t say that
because that’s negative
but all I’m saying to you
is to never ever become a rapist
no matter how desperate.
I could write all day
and the lord gave me this talent
to share with you  in secret
I decided you will never read this
because this is too intricate
but even though
I don’t show it,
words can’t express how I feel about you.
To be honest when I wrote this
I wasn’t even planning to write this much,
this was just a simple dark deep poem
but you can into my mind like a love song
Two years ago I tried to write a poem
about you.
Couldn’t keep focus enough to write about you.
My skills and vocabulary expanded and stretched like a limousine
and it’s gorgeous like a black woman on ebony magazine
2 two years ago my poetic skills was a car
now poetic skills stretched to a limousine.
I’m a poetic machine
You see, you are helping me to think poetic
in a optimistic view.
I have to take a bathroom break and this poem is too much for you to take
so that’s why I choose to stop because I have to go bad (lol)
This poem is sad but it’s a blessing because I have you in my life so I am glad .
Nobody in my family will ever see this poem
but it will be on word press because I need to share it
because I will go crazy when I have content and thoughts in my head and have no one to share it with.
I won’t say names but I thank my 10 dedicated followers and supporters
for giving me the strength to write this to my nephew.
He will never see it because it’s too much
but since I don’t know anyone of you in person
I will allow you to see this because I need to share this and express this
So at least you and the Lord knows how much I love my nephew.
You never know how much you love somebody
until you actually  listen to music and start writing and think about your deepest  thoughts.
I will upload this now because life is not promised tomorrow
Someone told me on my previous blog to don’t apologize for my writing so I won’t
Life is hard it really easy but it’s not impossible
and when I die I want my poems to be like an hidden fossil
from an archeologist from the future generation

 

On December 19th, I want you to comment below and give me a topic that you want me to write a poem about.  Whoever is the first person to comment and give me a topic, then that will be the topic I will write about(first come first serve)

Picture yourself in a life or death situation right now and life is not promised the next day and you pick one person in your life you had to write a letter to and tell that person your deepest thoughts, your weakness, , your strengths, your mistakes and how much you love them and listen to your favorite song at the same time while writing to you loved one.

I Owe You

I will never forget the day,

the time and place

where you jumped in front

of my face

We were at the park playing basketball

and I’m not paying attention at all.

My back was turned

where the neighborhood

Gang banger was behind the fence,

aiming at my head from a distance.

Now having my 1^st near death experience

thinking what a coincidence

when you grabbed me and pushed me

to the ground.

But unfortunately you got shot

in the windpipe.

You sacrificed your life

to save mine.

It’s so sad to see you die.

It’s hard for me to sleep at night,

but not only because the fact

that you died,

because I have a regret

and I owe you this secret,

and I’m ready to expose it.

as you look down from heaven,

just know that your wife

and I had an affair

and she’s pregnant.

Pick Me Next

For years I hope things would get better,
but now realize at 27 nothing last forever.
Now I feel like Japan in 1945 when the bombs dropped.
Destruction lies within the center of my heart.
For years I search for glory but tragedies seek me.
I play hide and seek with sin but the demons travel forcefully every time to seek me.
I’m trapped like a death row inmate with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I understand exactly how it felt to be Tookie but he still remained humble.
I stayed away from gangs as a youth, but church sermons didn’t subdue my struggles.
I been baptized with Holy water but the skin still remains dirty.
Even though I haven’t reach thirty and I know it’s too early,
I’m ready to not open my eyes tomorrow morning.
I always wonder what it feels like to be a man that’s blind.
To not see able to the sun set or rise.
To not see the rain or snow falling from the sky.
To not see tears from a babies eyes.
To not see the organ in between a woman’s thighs.
To not see the difference between black and white.
To not see the stars at night.
To not see fireworks on the 4th of July.
You can take my eye sight away and give someone else that’s blind.
I always wonder can a blind man have dreams in his sleep
since he don’t know what pictures he sees in his mind because images to him is nonexistent,
like Santa Clause on Christmas