Internalizing My Emotions

Something that I can do less of is internalizing my emotions. I have been doing this since I was a child. Affection always made me uncomfortable. I feel like affection arouses an anxiety in me and me being non-affectionate is a defense mechanism from rejection. Through therapy and writing poetry, I am going to try and learn how to display my emotions more and show affection to my loved ones.

Scapegoat is the brain

not the heart.

Affection plays no part

in my character,

It didn’t make it

past the lords audition

at my mother’s birth.

Love has no script

to follow,

but realized

no story needed

a for plot to wallow

in my troubles.

My world is a non-fiction

story.

Don’t need an author

or illustrator

to explain the main

event in my life story.

The setting of my life is darkness,

I was introduced to demons,

Which made me non-affectionate,

Subconsciously caused a conflict

Due to my lack of expression.

Loneliness and regrets are the climax.

Does Forgivness Comes with a Price?

Sadness of a heartbroken woman

where she is sleepless at night,

tossing and turning

from left to right.

So the bottle of wine

on her dresser

suppresses

the truth as she struggles

to wipe away

the tears from her eyes.

Those sex flashbacks

are the ghosts that

roam freely in her dreams

and forgiveness is for free

while she sleeps,

but when she wakes up to reality

forgiveness comes with a price.

Jealousy begins to arise

like the sun in the morning

as now she is at the stage of strife

and the ugly truth is the starving monster.

in the closet

where love’s beauty was devoured

piece by piece.

1. Do you think forgivness comes with a price?
2. Are you currently struggling with forgivness at this moment?
3. Why do people that are not fully heal, tend to hurt others and how do we stop this cycle?

Excellence Oyster Bay

Excellence Oyster By was my favorite place I ever been. I visited her for my honeymoon and it was wonderful. I felt at peace here and it was a good relaxation from wedding planning.  This was my first time at a inclusive resort and I fell in love the moment I arrived.

My favorite thing about Oyster Bay was the cocktails. My favorite cocktail was Mudslide. The ingredients are vodka, baileys, kahlua, and heavy cream.

My favorite restaurant on the resort was the Kitchen Table. The kitchen Table is a buffet that was open from 7AM – 11AM.

For the most part, I stayed on the beached and went into the pool, but we did do one excursion. The excursion that I did was the Rafting on the Martha Brae. This was my first time and it was such a therapeutic experience and I would definitely do this again.

Will Time be here Forever?

Smart devices are vices

scorching the beauty of quality time.

Simultaneously wishing clocks can rewind,

anxiously awaiting

for when the clock lost it motivation

to tick.

Times flexibility will surrender

its power when it trips its circuit breaker.

1) Do you ever think about when the world will end?

2) What do you feel like is the biggest waste of time in life?

3) Imagine if time and date remained constant as each day passes and we never aged, how do you think this would affect the crime rate and how would this impact mental health?

Smart Phones and Smart TVs

What technology would you be better off without, why?

A very good question!

I would say I would be better off with Smart Phones and Smart TVs.

Smart Phones have lead to an increase in social isolation, distraction while driving, and sleep disruption. Smart Phones also have a major impact on mental health since we have became addicted to receiving notifications. Smart Phones and Smart TVs are the electronics that lead to Social Media apps in which lead to comparisons to high profile social media accounts.

The Aftermath Of My Depression

To my unconquering depression that silenced my prayers.

Death was upon the Lords ears,

as my words of forgiveness remained insignificant.

My souls moaning

like the ghost that haunted Al Capone.

Uninviting depression darkens the complexion

of my mental capacity.

Physiologically lonely

like a playground covered in a blizzard

on the coldest night of winter.

My skin doesn’t shiver

from coldness of my depression

but the thermometer

on my heart detects

iciness.

Alone and trapped in a flourishing mansion

while the soul remains homeless

as the roof

levitates in the tornado winds.

My lungs collapsing in the flood of stagnation.

My eyes are the peep hole

into my soul.

You lurking for the promise land

but the gravity of hell

pulled you into my charcoal

where the broken windows

outsourcing the poison,

camouflaged as antibiotics

that plummets from dark clouds

and overcrowded tiny ounces of righteousness.

Soul gradually freezes from coldness.

Banging on the door of paradise

screaming “please let me out”

but voice echoes to the other side

where everything inside remains hollow.

My Dream Job

Most of us growing up wishing to be something exciting such as a fireman,
basketball player, or scientist but as we get older, walking down the path of your dream job is not such a simplistic thing. 



My dream job is to be a spoken word poet. Spoken word is performance poetry that can often used to convey important messages to society. Spoken word sometimes contain elements of hip-hop or jazz music to enhance the rhythmic presentation. I believe being a spoken word poet would not only assist me to identify myself more, but as well help motivate an audience that struggle with any type of identity or mental health issue. Writing poetry is a natural love to me and making a living off of something you love and naturally good at is a priceless talent blessed from God.  

Dig Out Your Emotions

Courage it takes

to seek unhidden mistakes.

The fire is a lake,

as I navigate my hand

as a crane.

to dig for the magic key

in the lake of fire

like a claw machine.

Met with a bit of resistance

from thoughts that controls

my blank face expressions.

Contemplating subduing embarrassment

lead to lost friendships

that sailed to sea and never returned home.

Shyness evolved to loneliness.

To solve the equation of affliction,

ransacked Superman’s X-ray vision

to melt a hole in my heart.

Inside this heart,

buried emotions

extremely hard to seek

as many humans decades

deceased from this journey

where the monsters inside this magma

rise like lava and terrorize

and scorch mortals.

But with determination,

I need this key

to enter this portal

inside my brain

to shut off the sprinklers

that rains a quiet storm

of tears.

The therapist employed

by Jesus

has the arrow to unmute

my silence cohesive

with my vocal cords.

I Became Who I hate Most At Childhood

A cancerous disease
as my silence is a carnivore
feasting me internally.
Like a herbivore,
in public places
bottom of food chain
is my place.
Received attitude
for my gratitude.
Why did I show
grace in the first place?
Unresolved anger
and my therapist
is slaughtered
Pain sparks depression
with a fire eternally burning
so life threatening
but remaining silent
perfecting a lie to the public
that you suffer with aphonia
as affliction is damaging
mentally
in which processing
a simple conversation
became draining
Begging for mercy
as I close my eyes
with no one to hold me.
Fear is a shadow
as I hallucinate
these battles
Closing my eyes
how I visualize
my sweet dreams
but the nightmares
I wake up to
is the reality
as life itself
is the giant monster
in the dark
abusing me
until the innocence
bleeds out of me.
Knowledge of pain
is what I gain
from the darkest storms
with the heaviest rain
A monster in me produce
as I reach the growth
and became the demon
I hated to face in my childhood

Defeating My Demons are My Proudest Moments

Proudly growing

into a man with a purpose.

Defeated the demons

that were playing

simon says with my soul.

Pain finally grew old

and perish.

Everything in me that was dark,

came to light.

I received a spark, and took

advantage of my intelligence.

Pain is temporary.

Affliction no longer relevant.

Those word and images

that were once in my mind

were insects, are now terminated.

The sound waves

in the environment

manipulated by demons,

never defeated but lose its strength,

as I gain the power to convert it

a positive energy

in the light of the holy spirit.