The Life experiences that helped me to grow

In life, you cannot know everything. The beauty of life is that it is not constant in which life always gives you the space to grow into something better and have memories that you can talk about with your grandkids. In order to grow you have to step out of your comfort zone in order to live through accomplishing your dreams. I am going to list two experiences that helped me to grow the most in life.

#1:My parents divorced:

My parents divorced when I was eight years old. It was a very fast paced, yet frustrating experience.
At that time in my fragile little mind, I thought the world was unfair because all of my other friends parents 
were together. This experience helped me to grow because this was the experience that took my innocence away. 
I started to understand the true meaning of struggle in this world. It was harder for me to focus on school, it 
was harder for me to adjust to a different lifestyle such as being in a different neighborhood and making new friends. 
This experience was the most important experience that enhanced my growth.
Once I became 10 years old, I learned that change is constant and at times you will have no choice but to adjust.

#2: Quitting my fulltime job in 2017 to go back to finish my bachelor’s degree:

This was another important life experience for me. In 2013, I dropped out of Farmingdale State College 
to work full time doing construction. I was an electrical apprentice. 
This was probably the worst decision I could possibly made in my life.I hate my fulltime job. 
Imagine working at job fulltime that you hate for four years. 
I knew since the first week that this job was not for me. 
I became complacent and accepted the fact that I need this job for fulltime benefits. 
I would get up at 4:30AM everyday, to get on the 5:30AM train for 5 days a week and had school twice a week. 
My work schedule was 7:00AM -2:30 PM Monday — Friday.
On top of that apprentices are required to go to school.
On Wednesdays, I had school from 4:00PM — 6:00PM, on Thursdays I had school from 5:00PM — 8:30PM. 
So to break this down even more, on Wednesdays I would wake up at 4:30AM and would not get home until 
7:30PM at night due to the fact I had to take the train. 
On Thursdays, I would not get home until after 10:00PM. 
So imagine on Thursdays that you had to get up 
at 4:30AM and not getting home until 10:00PM at night and having to get 4:30AM on Friday to get to work.
On top of that, some of the foreman’s I worked for would try to pressure 
me to do overtime. 
Basically, this job consumed me. From August 2013 — May 2017, my life was a blur do to the fact that I barley remember anything outside of work during this time period.
I wish it was as easy as doing what you love to make money. 
I wish it was as easy as when they told me as a child that I could be anything that I put my mind into. 
But sometimes you will be in a rock and a hard place and have to take a job in order to support yourself. 
I took this fulltime job in 2013 because I was not motivated for school at the time. 
I just did enough to past my classes. The major I took at Farmingdale State College was Computer Information Systems. 
I was told that it would be 
very hard for me to get a job in the tech field. 
I allowed this to get into my head so when I saw an opportunity for a fulltime job with benefits during the Summer of 2013, I took a an escape from
school thinking I had found a better opportunity, but all I did was dig my myself into a hole in which to this day, I am still trying to climb out of.
I grew from this because 
I learned to never be loyal to a company, never let know one pressure you to take a job you are not 100% sure that you want to do, and to always put your mental health first.

This is only part 1. Within the coming weeks, I will continue this and write a part 2. 

Do You Need a Break? From what?

I am at the point to where I need a break at this moment. I get overwhelmed by a variety of things in life. I found myself wanting to hit the reset switch. I wish life was a video game, where there is a reset button and I can start all over. I am going to mention all of the things I need a break from:

1. People

Ever since I was a child, I always had a hard time trying to fit in rather it was school, church, work, or even at family events. I have a very quiet personality. I have always been told that I need to open up to people more, but every time I do, the energy is not reciprocated back to me. So because of this, I been on a self isolated island where I just stay to myself. I am always known as the quiet person in public. I get annoyed when people ask me “Why are you so quiet?”. Choosing to remain quiet is not a curse and I hate when people act like it is. The reason why I am so quiet is because people are judgmental and as I get older, I lose the motivation to speak with people due to the endless responsibilities I need to take care of.

2. Social Media

This one is relatable to the first point I made because people are the ones that have an impact on Social Media. Although I must that admit that you can learn a lot from Social Media, it is a very toxic place. Social Media made people anti-social. Social Media is the reason why I feel like life lacks originality compared to years ago. It made people become experts on speaking on topics they have no experience whatsoever. Most importantly, it gave unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships/marriages. People constantly need to seek validation from other people. Due to Social Media, I have moments where I lose motivation due to overwhelming access information that we have today compared to previous generations. I always feel like there should be a break as far application developers developing applications. I understand that an app developer have a job to do, but I feel that we have another apps already. I wish we can go at least go the next five without the development of any new apps and just stick with the apps that we have now.

3. Thinking About the Future

I am always thinking about my future. I want to reach to the highest mountain in life. I want to accomplish all of my dreams. The problem comes with all of the hurdles I have to jump in order to get to the point where I can keep my feet up and relax. For this year, I have to save more money, I have to start looking for houses soon, and I plan to start a family soon. Last year, I got married, I got a new job, I got a promotion within my new job, and I had to pay money to make major repairs in my condo. Although, everything I accomplished were blessings for the year of 2023, I am mentally worn out. Wedding planning alone was a mentally draining vacuum sucking the life out of me. Having to deal with the anxiety of being the center of attention and coordinating with different vendors is an overthinking civil war within yourself. Although wedding planning is over, I now have to mentally prepare for searching for a house. Life is an endless planning tunnel where you will constantly have to plan in order to adjust

Reading Stories I wrote From 2017 over the Weekend

The last thing I did for fun was reading all of my poems/short stories I wrote back in 2017 and 2018 when I first started blogging. This was fun for me because I was proud of the creativity utilized in these stories. It’s good to see to reflect back in life to see how far you have moved along in life. When I first started blogging back in 2017, I was addicted with coming up with clever poetry to upload. Some of my previous stories I wrote were funny to me.

Below, I will post links to some of my previous poetry/short stories that were unique;

Night before My Wedding

A Story About A Couple On Their 5th Date

How To Please ladies

I Owe you

It Was Only Suppose To Be Simple Date

A Story About a Couple On Their 5th Date Part 2

Let’s Read This Story And Pick A Letter At The End

For those of you that started following me recently, these were my old stories I posted on here from 2017 and 2018. If you are looking for something funny to laugh at or something to get you curious, please read one of my stories above and comment and let me know which you read!

Thank you!

A Lesson I learned While Jogging

 I started jogging again over the summer to stay in shape and healthy and I learn how to breathe in through my nose and breathe out through my mouth. It felt uncomfortable at first becasue I have always been use to breathing in and out through my mouth. For years, although I would nautarally breathe in and out through my mouth, my mouth will get dry instantly making it harder to finish my workout. I did researched and looked at youtube vidoes on how to be a successful runner. The youtube video that gave me inspiration was this video. The skill of learning how to breathe in through my nose provides more oxygen towards my lungs, allowing me to go the distance when jogging on the trail around the corner from my house.

Also, for one that uses medium to publish their work, please check out this story that I just posted on medium earlier today A Story About A Couple On A 5th Date

For those of you that want to learn more about me, these are my following social media platforms

Instagram

Twitter

Medium

Also the feature image in this post was from this website

My Open Mic Experience

I am posting a poem I recited at Open Mic at the Bowery Club on June 24th, 2018.

Such a priceless experience I will never forget.

I remember last year around this time,
had dreams of making you mine
but underconfident I couldn’t reach the finish line
because I didn’t have a dime.
No joke when you’re on the decline.
Barely food for dinner.
Cold during the winter
People mistaken me for a drug addict.
People mistaken me for an alcoholic.
Everything is part of God’s plan,
and I felt like hell was my destination,
but still kept the bible in my hand.
It wasn’t easy as a man.
How do you thank Jesus
when searching for scraps
in trash cans?
Just couldn’t give up.
Becoming inpatient
until I saw your face.
You felt sorry for me
and gave me a plate food
to stuff my skinny face.
You walked past
and visited everyday
in the alley by the fire escape
to drop off food
which gradually put
me in a better mood.
Vienna Sausage and soup.
So, we began to converse
and I learned you
was a registered nurse.
I told you I write poetry
and short stories.
Your face lit up
because you love poetry.
You asked me to recite a poem

“I feel like an airship
high and mighty
but I am a sinking ship
just forever drowning
I feel like an African King
ruling my kingdom
side by side with my lovely queen
but I am slave, a peasant,
body worn down
from building tall pyramids.
I feel like a pastor
preaching to the congregation
on Easter,
making people in believers
but I am a hypocrite
for telling civilians
that walk by me to follow Jesus
since the skin my body
is dirty.
I feel like I’m dwelling in heaven
but this morning I almost committed suicide.
I feel like I have all the answers
but I have so many answered questions.
I feel like the devil is a liar
but he told Eve the truth
about the tree of knowledge
of good and evil.
I feel like a black hero
saving my people
but I feel like a false king
like Scar
waiting for judgment day
when the lake of fire
burns my face.
All men created equal
in a world
that so vile and diabolical.
These thoughts have me suicidal
but for some reason I refuse to.”

You are just speechless.
You believe that poem is unique
and you love the way I speak.
You say you will take me
to Open Mic at the poetry club
next week.
Should I go to a open mic
next week?

Below I posted the link of my open mic experience.

See this Instagram video by @hockaday_poet: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4UmqaIHm_6/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igshid=M2M0Y2JmOTAyOA==

My Favorite Cartoons

Hey Arnold and Doug are my two favorite cartoons.

Hey Arnold was relaxing to watch since it did not shy away from difficult topics. Gerald was my favorite character and the pigeon man was my favorite episode.

Doug was very relatable to watch. Doug was the most relatable character in the cartoon. My favoirt episode on Doug was Doug’s Big Brawl.

For those of you that watch Hey Arnold and Doug, who were your favorite characters and what was your favorite episode?

What other nickelodeon cartoons did you watch durign childhood?

Internalizing My Emotions

Something that I can do less of is internalizing my emotions. I have been doing this since I was a child. Affection always made me uncomfortable. I feel like affection arouses an anxiety in me and me being non-affectionate is a defense mechanism from rejection. Through therapy and writing poetry, I am going to try and learn how to display my emotions more and show affection to my loved ones.

Scapegoat is the brain

not the heart.

Affection plays no part

in my character,

It didn’t make it

past the lords audition

at my mother’s birth.

Love has no script

to follow,

but realized

no story needed

a for plot to wallow

in my troubles.

My world is a non-fiction

story.

Don’t need an author

or illustrator

to explain the main

event in my life story.

The setting of my life is darkness,

I was introduced to demons,

Which made me non-affectionate,

Subconsciously caused a conflict

Due to my lack of expression.

Loneliness and regrets are the climax.

Excellence Oyster Bay

Excellence Oyster By was my favorite place I ever been. I visited her for my honeymoon and it was wonderful. I felt at peace here and it was a good relaxation from wedding planning.  This was my first time at a inclusive resort and I fell in love the moment I arrived.

My favorite thing about Oyster Bay was the cocktails. My favorite cocktail was Mudslide. The ingredients are vodka, baileys, kahlua, and heavy cream.

My favorite restaurant on the resort was the Kitchen Table. The kitchen Table is a buffet that was open from 7AM – 11AM.

For the most part, I stayed on the beached and went into the pool, but we did do one excursion. The excursion that I did was the Rafting on the Martha Brae. This was my first time and it was such a therapeutic experience and I would definitely do this again.

Smart Phones and Smart TVs

What technology would you be better off without, why?

A very good question!

I would say I would be better off with Smart Phones and Smart TVs.

Smart Phones have lead to an increase in social isolation, distraction while driving, and sleep disruption. Smart Phones also have a major impact on mental health since we have became addicted to receiving notifications. Smart Phones and Smart TVs are the electronics that lead to Social Media apps in which lead to comparisons to high profile social media accounts.

My Dream Job

Most of us growing up wishing to be something exciting such as a fireman,
basketball player, or scientist but as we get older, walking down the path of your dream job is not such a simplistic thing. 



My dream job is to be a spoken word poet. Spoken word is performance poetry that can often used to convey important messages to society. Spoken word sometimes contain elements of hip-hop or jazz music to enhance the rhythmic presentation. I believe being a spoken word poet would not only assist me to identify myself more, but as well help motivate an audience that struggle with any type of identity or mental health issue. Writing poetry is a natural love to me and making a living off of something you love and naturally good at is a priceless talent blessed from God.