Do You Need a Break? From what?

I am at the point to where I need a break at this moment. I get overwhelmed by a variety of things in life. I found myself wanting to hit the reset switch. I wish life was a video game, where there is a reset button and I can start all over. I am going to mention all of the things I need a break from:

1. People

Ever since I was a child, I always had a hard time trying to fit in rather it was school, church, work, or even at family events. I have a very quiet personality. I have always been told that I need to open up to people more, but every time I do, the energy is not reciprocated back to me. So because of this, I been on a self isolated island where I just stay to myself. I am always known as the quiet person in public. I get annoyed when people ask me “Why are you so quiet?”. Choosing to remain quiet is not a curse and I hate when people act like it is. The reason why I am so quiet is because people are judgmental and as I get older, I lose the motivation to speak with people due to the endless responsibilities I need to take care of.

2. Social Media

This one is relatable to the first point I made because people are the ones that have an impact on Social Media. Although I must that admit that you can learn a lot from Social Media, it is a very toxic place. Social Media made people anti-social. Social Media is the reason why I feel like life lacks originality compared to years ago. It made people become experts on speaking on topics they have no experience whatsoever. Most importantly, it gave unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships/marriages. People constantly need to seek validation from other people. Due to Social Media, I have moments where I lose motivation due to overwhelming access information that we have today compared to previous generations. I always feel like there should be a break as far application developers developing applications. I understand that an app developer have a job to do, but I feel that we have another apps already. I wish we can go at least go the next five without the development of any new apps and just stick with the apps that we have now.

3. Thinking About the Future

I am always thinking about my future. I want to reach to the highest mountain in life. I want to accomplish all of my dreams. The problem comes with all of the hurdles I have to jump in order to get to the point where I can keep my feet up and relax. For this year, I have to save more money, I have to start looking for houses soon, and I plan to start a family soon. Last year, I got married, I got a new job, I got a promotion within my new job, and I had to pay money to make major repairs in my condo. Although, everything I accomplished were blessings for the year of 2023, I am mentally worn out. Wedding planning alone was a mentally draining vacuum sucking the life out of me. Having to deal with the anxiety of being the center of attention and coordinating with different vendors is an overthinking civil war within yourself. Although wedding planning is over, I now have to mentally prepare for searching for a house. Life is an endless planning tunnel where you will constantly have to plan in order to adjust

Goodbye To My Soul

The devil is the mastermind
of capitalism.
Getting what you sold your soul for
is a camouflaged optimism.
Demons view your poverty
from a penthouse, pulling your strings
from the shadows.

Thought, memories,
synchronizing
into a vortex of lost and found
where your intelligence
lost the full deck of cards to frolic with.

Loved ones lost patience listening
to a persistent man reminiscing,
promising he will go back of what used to be.
Chasing the ghost of my memories
echoes of the angels slip away from me.

Losing myself in past time,
drifting in the previous shine.
My soul is a hoarder for the days
before yesterday, wishing tomorrow was a yesterday.

Spoiled for memories, blocking blessings
not comprehending
today’s way of living.
Delusional as neglecting
enjoying the moment, subconsciously rehearsing
in today’s time,
acting the part hoping the clocks rewind,
to bring everything forward
I left behind.

Reliving of what I was previously
when I am asleep dreaming,
are regrets as I wake in the flesh
of today’s reality.
A wolverine in the flesh,
but a kryptonite in my heart.
Don’t know where to start
to escape from being
trapped in the dead end
of where my soul use to be.

Living long enough
to see a nightmare
from start to finish.
Permanent graveyard shift,
wondering if the sun ever exist?
Nightmare clear as vodka,
numbing the cold winter nights,
walking with ease where I’m sleeveless
and soulless.

Cheers To Everlasting Love

Two souls synchronizing
the imperfections
of characteristics charted
in love’s catalogue.
Imperfection leads
to perfect practice
of existing sweethearts.
An instrument produces
enhancements of romance
where communication
is the cable
jumping
the battery of amplifications
as cupid uses his arrow
driving on the ravishing road
while simultaneously charging this battery.

Enchanting parades
for ordinary days
identical to milestone anniversaries
as we shower each other with affection,
cleansing assumptions
and doubts are the bowel movements
in our stomachs
defining two souls synchronizing
for a connection,
solid like a boulder
or a man’s shoulders
exercising deltoids
where the detachment of caressing
that was once possessed
by the hands of fornication
is a sin mitigated
by lifting
weights in the gym of everlasting marriages.

Reading Stories I wrote From 2017 over the Weekend

The last thing I did for fun was reading all of my poems/short stories I wrote back in 2017 and 2018 when I first started blogging. This was fun for me because I was proud of the creativity utilized in these stories. It’s good to see to reflect back in life to see how far you have moved along in life. When I first started blogging back in 2017, I was addicted with coming up with clever poetry to upload. Some of my previous stories I wrote were funny to me.

Below, I will post links to some of my previous poetry/short stories that were unique;

Night before My Wedding

A Story About A Couple On Their 5th Date

How To Please ladies

I Owe you

It Was Only Suppose To Be Simple Date

A Story About a Couple On Their 5th Date Part 2

Let’s Read This Story And Pick A Letter At The End

For those of you that started following me recently, these were my old stories I posted on here from 2017 and 2018. If you are looking for something funny to laugh at or something to get you curious, please read one of my stories above and comment and let me know which you read!

Thank you!

A Lesson I learned While Jogging

 I started jogging again over the summer to stay in shape and healthy and I learn how to breathe in through my nose and breathe out through my mouth. It felt uncomfortable at first becasue I have always been use to breathing in and out through my mouth. For years, although I would nautarally breathe in and out through my mouth, my mouth will get dry instantly making it harder to finish my workout. I did researched and looked at youtube vidoes on how to be a successful runner. The youtube video that gave me inspiration was this video. The skill of learning how to breathe in through my nose provides more oxygen towards my lungs, allowing me to go the distance when jogging on the trail around the corner from my house.

Also, for one that uses medium to publish their work, please check out this story that I just posted on medium earlier today A Story About A Couple On A 5th Date

For those of you that want to learn more about me, these are my following social media platforms

Instagram

Twitter

Medium

Also the feature image in this post was from this website

Tome

The poem below is based on the #vss365 poetry prompt using the word tome.

My mind is a #tome
with unpublished poems
with words unspoken
possessed by a dark side
where my temper is protected
until you read the chapter
of revelations
containing the start of a revolution
where devastation will reach
its prime

My Open Mic Experience

I am posting a poem I recited at Open Mic at the Bowery Club on June 24th, 2018.

Such a priceless experience I will never forget.

I remember last year around this time,
had dreams of making you mine
but underconfident I couldn’t reach the finish line
because I didn’t have a dime.
No joke when you’re on the decline.
Barely food for dinner.
Cold during the winter
People mistaken me for a drug addict.
People mistaken me for an alcoholic.
Everything is part of God’s plan,
and I felt like hell was my destination,
but still kept the bible in my hand.
It wasn’t easy as a man.
How do you thank Jesus
when searching for scraps
in trash cans?
Just couldn’t give up.
Becoming inpatient
until I saw your face.
You felt sorry for me
and gave me a plate food
to stuff my skinny face.
You walked past
and visited everyday
in the alley by the fire escape
to drop off food
which gradually put
me in a better mood.
Vienna Sausage and soup.
So, we began to converse
and I learned you
was a registered nurse.
I told you I write poetry
and short stories.
Your face lit up
because you love poetry.
You asked me to recite a poem

“I feel like an airship
high and mighty
but I am a sinking ship
just forever drowning
I feel like an African King
ruling my kingdom
side by side with my lovely queen
but I am slave, a peasant,
body worn down
from building tall pyramids.
I feel like a pastor
preaching to the congregation
on Easter,
making people in believers
but I am a hypocrite
for telling civilians
that walk by me to follow Jesus
since the skin my body
is dirty.
I feel like I’m dwelling in heaven
but this morning I almost committed suicide.
I feel like I have all the answers
but I have so many answered questions.
I feel like the devil is a liar
but he told Eve the truth
about the tree of knowledge
of good and evil.
I feel like a black hero
saving my people
but I feel like a false king
like Scar
waiting for judgment day
when the lake of fire
burns my face.
All men created equal
in a world
that so vile and diabolical.
These thoughts have me suicidal
but for some reason I refuse to.”

You are just speechless.
You believe that poem is unique
and you love the way I speak.
You say you will take me
to Open Mic at the poetry club
next week.
Should I go to a open mic
next week?

Below I posted the link of my open mic experience.

See this Instagram video by @hockaday_poet: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4UmqaIHm_6/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igshid=M2M0Y2JmOTAyOA==

I Defeated My Shadow

My shadow’s jealously
of my human flesh
birthed from the devils nest.
Attack when I rest.
Darkness was first
to arrive,
but light
constantly overrides.
Shadows are overshadowed
by my mental battles.
The flesh of a human
will always be my shadows archival.
So shadowboxing my shadow
goes deeper
than revamping my cardio.
Rematching every lost battle
at childhood
broke loose those shackles
that held me back
as a I became the sun
that conquered my own shadows.

My Favorite Cartoons

Hey Arnold and Doug are my two favorite cartoons.

Hey Arnold was relaxing to watch since it did not shy away from difficult topics. Gerald was my favorite character and the pigeon man was my favorite episode.

Doug was very relatable to watch. Doug was the most relatable character in the cartoon. My favoirt episode on Doug was Doug’s Big Brawl.

For those of you that watch Hey Arnold and Doug, who were your favorite characters and what was your favorite episode?

What other nickelodeon cartoons did you watch durign childhood?

Internalizing My Emotions

Something that I can do less of is internalizing my emotions. I have been doing this since I was a child. Affection always made me uncomfortable. I feel like affection arouses an anxiety in me and me being non-affectionate is a defense mechanism from rejection. Through therapy and writing poetry, I am going to try and learn how to display my emotions more and show affection to my loved ones.

Scapegoat is the brain

not the heart.

Affection plays no part

in my character,

It didn’t make it

past the lords audition

at my mother’s birth.

Love has no script

to follow,

but realized

no story needed

a for plot to wallow

in my troubles.

My world is a non-fiction

story.

Don’t need an author

or illustrator

to explain the main

event in my life story.

The setting of my life is darkness,

I was introduced to demons,

Which made me non-affectionate,

Subconsciously caused a conflict

Due to my lack of expression.

Loneliness and regrets are the climax.